It’s been four weeks since my last post…… sorry. A lack of focus got in the way and a thing called summer.
But I’m back and ready to share some stories and insight into the male species that I’ve uncovered in the past few weeks.
My Love coach has been abroad for part of the time, so I’ve been free-styling a bit. Maybe so much so that after we met following the summer break I’m now on a X10 acceleration plan to get flirting and dating, so expect some hilarious posts in the coming weeks!!
But anyway, when I was left to my own devices, all was not lost. I put to practise some of the techniques I’ve learned, and have been wearing make-up everyday. But what I think I’ve learned most from my chats with Julia is about confidence. And I think I’m not alone in that most women lack confidence, particularly when it comes to dating and meeting men.
Don’t get me wrong, I can talk the hind leg off a donkey, and have no fear approaching anyone and striking up a conversation – as an ex-journalist – it’s part of the craft. But my downfall is that I have mastered the art of friend-zoning everyone.
And while it’s nice to have a talent, it’s kind of left me a bit single for what seems like an eternity.
So what have I learned?
Well, over the summer I’ve been practising being lighter, not immediately getting into deep and topical conversations with new people I meet and just trying different approaches. And most of all I’ve learned not to assume – because we all know what happens when you ASS-U-ME.
So my first encounter over the summer was at one of my favourite events of the year – the Chap Olympiad. Think true gentlemen, tweed, panache and style and loads of flirting. I struck up a conversation with a photographer, who I ASSUMED was part of the growing press pack that attends each year. We were taking a picture of a man in a military uniform and a stylish lady in a lemon dress who was posing with him like in An Officer and a Gentleman and we both started debating what was the correct theme tune, which I finally had to google to settle the score. For the record, I was wrong and kept singing Berlin, Take my Breath Away, which was clearly Top Gun.
Anyway, with the debate settled, I decided to move on and take pictures elsewhere, although I could tell this chap was still interested in chatting. But I assumed he was just a press photographer, I assumed he would be getting back to work and I assumed so much I walked away.
Now fast-forward an hour and I’m sitting enjoying the part of the day where the punters get up to dance and over I look and there’s Mr Photographer – dancing on the stage and taking my breath away. He was seriously the most amazing swing dancer you could put breath in. I sat stunned, shook my head and gave myself a stern talking to. Why did I not stay and keep chatting? Why did I walk away? I could be being swung around the dance floor with the most amazing swing dancer ever, but instead…….
The moment had gone and I lost out.
But clearly, it was a Richard Gere kind of day.
My group of friends started mingling with another group of chaps who were wearing stockbroker striped jackets and one was an older chap, who had the Gere’s about him. He was chatting to my married friend, then soon after started chatting to her younger sister and then moved on to chat to me.
Now, in a remarkable bit of learning from my mistakes, I resisted the temptation to do and say what I would normally do. What I wanted to say was say that sloppy thirds aren’t my style and to shuffle on. It may sound harsh, but my assumption was that he was a player. But luckily, old Nat wasn’t sat there at that moment. This was the new shiny Nat, trying to look at things from a different perspective.
So instead of delivering a firm bugger off pill, I chose to practise flirting and had a really engaging conversation that ended up lasting for several weeks. It soon fizzled out, but I have to say, it was enjoyable while it lasted. No-one was harmed in the making of it, no-one died, and the world didn’t fall apart. So maybe this flirting thing is not so bad after all.
And ladies – you are going to find this one fascinating.
About a week later I was at dinner with some newlywed friends of mine and I was telling them the story and the new hubby stopped me after the conversation and offered me some enlightening male perspective. He explained that while he might be married now, that when single, he was naturally very shy and his method of gaining the courage to chat to the girl he was interested in, was to start talking to her friends. He’d talk to several and try and gain as much information as possible so that when he finally had the courage to talk to the real girl he was interested in, that he had enough conversation material to make it a success.
OMG. Right ladies! You can face palm right now. Go on, I know you all want to!!
So bloody simple, but how wrong have we been getting this over the years!
It just truly demonstrates that men and women approach dating the opposite sex from a completely different perspective.
So armed with this new knowledge, my make-up and my conversation-factor, it’s time to step out of friend zone!