The wait

Time is of the essence. I watched a movie today called Still Alice. It was based on a book by Lisa Genova and evolves around the character Alice, a Harvard professor, who at the age of 50 is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.

I cried buckets.

Before her diagnosis Alice was successful, career-driven and the mother of three children. On the surface she had everything. But the movie got me thinking about the importance of the here and now, of making the most of every moment. Because as the story of Alice brought home – things can change in an instant.

Alice had the support of a loving husband, who struggles with accepting the fact that the woman he fell in love with is losing her memory, their shared memories, before his eyes.

As a long-term singleton, I don’t have those memories to lose because I haven’t made them yet. So what am I waiting for?

I’ve spent my life working hard, to be successful in my work and ultimately to be happy. I thought I was there. But the more I talk through where I am, where I want to be and what would truly make me happy as part of my sessions with Julia Keller, the more I realise how my hedgehog defence mechanisms have prevented me from putting myself out there when it comes to matters of the heart.

I’ve been protecting myself, waiting to tell the best, most successful story, rather than experiencing all the things that come when you truly open up in the love stakes. Experiencing the good, the bad and everything in between.

So I’m taking a new approach. I’ve been set tasks, to provide the best opportunity for me to meet men and to practice in everyday situations “getting my flirt on”. Flirting is completely foreign to me and the early results are quite hilarious and will make excellent fodder for future posts.

For me, the wait is over. My journey has truly begun.

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